FOOD FOR THOUGHT ARTICLES:

 

#1  Some parents just need to let coaches do their jobs

 

 By: Press Staff

 

POSTED: 02/19/12, 12:00 AM EST |

 

   The winter postseason is underway and, by next week, all the winter sports tournaments will be cooking. Maybe this is a good time to talk a little bit about some important sports-related issues.

   I was talking the other day with an area coach, one who has suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous abuse. In that, he's not alone. Talk to most coaches and you'll hear similar stuff that only varies by degree. Together he and I agreed that the treatment of high school coaches has never been worse.

   Some coaches think it has to do with a sense of entitlement. There is no doubt that's part of it. Many kids have grown up getting just about everything they want, so why not sports as they, and too often doting mommies and daddies, want it? I see kids with cell phones, smart phones, ipods and they use and abuse them with impunity.

    I've long maintained these have no place in schools, yet there are elementary kids with them. Fred Balsamo of the CIAC has warned about kids using the picture-taking ability of phones in all the wrong places, like classrooms, team practices, locker rooms and the like.

   I can tell a story. A few years back I ran a high school trip to Washington, D.C. I told the kids they could not use their phones while out touring the monuments and seeing the sights of our nation's capitol. One kid took out her phone while in the Smithsonian Museum of American History. I took it and she got it back when we got off the train in Berlin. She was irate.

   When we got off that train, her mother was there. Furious. It made no difference that I had the rule. Their response? We wanted to talk.

"How was I supposed to talk with my daughter?," she asked.

Uhhh, if it was so important that you talk with your daughter, then call the hotel, I suggested. The nut-case mom went to the superintendent, who rightly told her to get lost. But it is this sense of entitlement, this sense that Junior can do what he wishes, that infects too many kids and is truly disturbing. And yeah, you see it in sports.

   When a kid ditches practice and is punished, the parent often gets angry. Parents should be angry. At the kid. But the anger is often directed at the coach. Strange. I had a teacher tell me the other day that a parent, despite receiving daily reports that the kid is doing exactly no work, fired off a nasty email to the teacher telling her that it's the school's job to get the kid to do work. What, teachers are to work miracles? Trust me, there are kids in schools who flatly refuse to do work, no matter what the teacher does.

Here's a suggestion for that mom: How about acting like a real parent?

   This entitlement, this enabling, does great harm. So many times I hear of parents who criticize coaches in front of their kid. And why? Because Junior isn't getting enough playing time. Sometimes they even yell nuttiness from the stands. Ask Xavier why it moved its sideline to the side of Palmer Field where there are no stands.

The former Bristol Legion coach Spec Monico, a police officer by trade, had it right. On the first day of practice, he handed each kid a letter to take home to their parents and he talked about it with the kids. The message was simple. He would listen to no discussion from any parent about playing time. If a parent called to complain, the kid was off the team, period.  Brilliant.

  Sorry Mom and Dad, not every kid is your next Derek Jeter, Michael Jordan, or LeBron James.  Just because a kid has one good game, above average season, or wins a state title does not mean they are destined for the NBA, MLB, minor leagues, or Division I athletics.  It is the reality of life.  Parents should allow kids to strive for their dreams, while staying realistic and level headed.   

   There are stories I can tell of coaches taking unbelievable guff, but I don't want to cause them further pain and embarrassment. I understand there are a few coaches, like there are a few of everything else, that ought to be doing something else.

But if there is a legitimate gripe other than Junior's playing time or fragile self-esteem, then there are channels to follow. Every school has an athletic director. Make an appointment. Put your concerns in writing. Be polite. Talk to the AD. If that doesn't work, then there is a chain of command. Principal. Superintendent. Board of Education. As much as you want to talk, be sure to listen, too.

   Sensible, real concerns almost always get addressed. Wild-eyed, emotional stuff gets ignored. And you risk becoming one of "those" parents if you come in like gangbusters.

I can only say that from my perspective, virtually every coach around here with whom I have dealt is hard-working, absurdly underpaid, at least competent and passionate about what they do. I would suggest that an aggrieved parent take a long view and have a discussion with yourself about exactly what you think the issues are, then decide whether the issue is real or maybe a bit too much of being an overbearing mom or dad.

If in your heart of hearts, you think there is an issue here, go for it. But be sure.

 

#2 Parents should let kids play, and coaches do their jobs

 

By: Press Staff

 

POSTED: 09/02/12, 12:00 AM EDT |

 

The high school sports year begins next week and with that will come the parental angst that accompanies watching children play. Or not play. For me, this is been there, done that.

 

There will be advice to parents here, and I would like to think that because I had a kid play two sports in high school, and had two sons play Little League baseball (for my eldest, it was the only sport he played as his life was cut short by leukemia before he got to high school), so I know all about what it's like to sit and watch and agonize.

 

That's the toughest thing because moms and dads are the worst judges. We too often think our kid is the greatest athlete since Derek Jeter, Michael Jordan or Serena Williams, and of course the coach is a knucklehead for not playing our kid, or not playing the kid enough.

ut we're wrong.

 

Coaches want to win. The kids want to win. We can say all we want about the game being the thing, that winning is secondary and that it's just playing the game that counts. Except.

There are scoreboards.

The newspapers lead their stories with who won.

Coaches who don't win generally don't last very long.

Losing stinks.

 

Mom and dad, try to understand that the coach is playing the kids she thinks will help the team win. It's not Little League where everybody must play. Nor should it be.

 

Not everybody should get a trophy. Not everybody is an equally good player. Some kids are -- how to say it? -- not very good athletes. Lovely children, try very hard, can't play very well.

I so often heard in my teaching career and I hear over and over on the playing fields: "I try very hard." As if that justified an A in the classroom or playing time on the field. Uhhhh, no. You are supposed to try very hard. That guarantees no reward and it shouldn't.

 

I could try to play shortstop for the New York Yankees. I might try very hard. I don't think I will get the job. Sometimes, mom and dad, it becomes necessary to recognize that junior doesn't play because there are better players. He may try very hard and put in all kinds of hours, and I get how much you feel for him, but all of that does not A. translate into playing time or B. mean he should get a trophy.

 

Go to every game your kid plays. Root hard for your kid, but be sure to root just as hard for the team. Don't complain about the coach in front of your kid. If your kid scores two touchdowns and the team loses 40-14, it was not a good day. That scoreboard, remember?

 

Oh yeah, one more thing. Don't let your kid quit. She went out, she made the final cut, she's there for the duration. Allowing her to quit teaches her all the wrong lessons. Drag her back if she tries that stunt. The kid has an obligation -- adult concept here -- she must fulfill. That's a far more important lesson -- and one that will really last a lifetime -- than anything she may learn about her sport.

 

Have wonderful time watching your kid and the team, support the coach and support the school. Don't be one of those obnoxious parents. Almost all involved want the best for your kid. Honest.